I bet you’ve been wondering to yourself, “self…where has that sexy devil, The Geeky Cuckold, been?” To you I would say – good question, I have no idea.
Well that isn’t strictly true, I have some idea – it’s mostly been in my head. You see, I spent the last four years doing a pretty intense and consequential job, and it made it so that I had almost no free time to really commit to blogs and podcasts and posts – oh, and it also made me miserable. Took getting let go to really figure out that the job was killing me slowly, was sapping me of energy and happiness, and every year wasted was a year I wasn’t doing whatever brought me joy, Marie Kondo style!
Losing my job gave me time to reflect on a few things, the first of which is the relationship we have to work in this country is one of the least healthy things about us. We tie so much of our time and worth up with what we do for these corporations that couldn’t honestly give two flying fucks about you or your family, your hopes or your dreams – and they don’t deserve it! Don’t get me wrong, individuals you work with, maybe a manager or two, they might care about your path – but a corporation CANT, it is physically impossible. Its job is to deliver to shareholders and increase profits. That is IT. Companies DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU – as a consumer or an employee. Is this what we have all decided we want to do with our lives? You get ONE trip around this blue marble, and THAT is what you want to do with it? I know full well it isn’t what I want to do with it, and what’s more I think if you put it in those terms, MOST people don’t want that to be their whole story, let alone even a chapter if they could help it. YOUR labor is making these people richer. Without you, they are NOTHING. Fuck creativity, fuck innovation – without the labor to build the widget, write the code, do the thing – these companies wouldn’t exist.
The next nugget I’ve realized, and while I’ve suspected it was the case for awhile, I’m now just blatantly SEEING it everywhere – we are the most miserable, anxious, depressed generation(s)….in…history…PERIOD! Our lives now revolve around how many likes we get, how many retweets we get, constant communication bombarding us all day, every day – we have had lightning-fast fundamental shifts in every aspect of our species and we are ill equipped for it biologically. Evolution works SLOOOOWLY – glacially so. So slowly in fact that our last even minor evolutionary change as a species was at LEAST 50,000 years ago. We have gone from candlelight as late as 1878 (the incandescent lightbulb was invented one year later) to warp bubbles and fusion reactors. (nascent discoveries as these are, they still exist). Our brains have not been able to keep up with the now constant hits of stimulus, the constant dopamine rush – and our bodies are feeling it too.
We now also live in a world of our own making, with rules and systems that are from another age – literally, from the industrial era. Most of the institutions and ways we do things in the modern era were built for another time. Insurance – it’s a discount card I pay for every month for the privilege of paying more money to keep me from dying. Voting – I can only vote for who you want, when you want, even though I’m the one who gave you the fucking job. Women’s rights – (crickets, since they apparently don’t exist anymore). This world is being held together with duct tape and bailing wire, with all of us too stressed or tired to do anything about it, and politicians that don’t HAVE to do anything about it. Companies and politicians both have now changed the rules of our game, and sadly the team that actually has the most players (hint: that is US!) lets them win EVERY FUCKING TIME.
There has been, however, one small glimmer of hope I’ve seen: The Great Resignation. People finally saying “ya know what, I don’t need to live with the bullshit rigged system you created, I’m gonna fight back by finding any way I can to screw you and rig the system back in my favor”. People are UNIONIZING again, at STARBUCKS and AMAZON! Reading headlines like that has given me repeated tiny joygasms because it says to me “finally things have gotten bad enough that maybe, just MAYBE this time – will be different”.
So with all of these realizations, with all of this swirling around in my head – I finally broke. But not in a bad way – more like broke free from a thick, swirling fog. I finally realized I am not my job. I am more than that. I finally realized I have one go around this planet and I want to do it RIGHT – by living by MY rules, and how I want to live. But also, that my wife deserves that too! Which is why, amidst losing my job – I asked my wife if she wanted to move her BF in with us. We have had 19 years together, and we will be together until the day I leave this reality behind me. That doesn’t mean, however, that she’s mine – that I own her, that I’m always going to be all that she needs or fill in all her….holes…metaphorically spe..ok fine, literally too. She found a wonderful man in her bull/bf. He’s one of my best friends. And I see how much she makes my OTHER best friend (i.e. my wife) light up. Not that I don’t, it’s…different. So I want her to nurture that relationship, I want to take a step back as the lead in our marriage and support my wife and her BF as they spend more time together, they get to build something too.
Can I just say, by the way, people freaked the fuck OUT when I posted this the other day but – why? If it’s because of my conflicted past, I totally get that – but honestly it just finally made…sense to me. Is it the fault of Skyrim if right now I REALLLLLY wanna focus on Elden Ring (sorry for the non-nerds reading this, substitute with anything else you have always really liked and will continue loving and coming back to for life)? I’m not leaving, I’m not any less important – it’s not a zero sum game. That’s the issue isn’t it? We see it like a war – I mean hell, “Love is a Battlefield” right? But it shouldn’t be. Only in our most intimate of interpersonal relationships do we see the inner Gollum come out, saying “nooooo, you’re myyyyy preciouuuuuus”. And honestly, it SUCKS. I’m not fighting her BF. I’m not fighting her or us. We have built a strong and solid marriage. Diamonds look at our marriage and think they’re a flaccid dong in comparison. So now, that she has this love for her BF, she wants to nurture it and build it to where she wants it to be. And what, am I supposed to be upset by that and storm off? Am I supposed to leave my wife and what I love because she wants to be able to experience this with her BF and WOULDN’T be able to if we lived our lives the “normal” way? precious
Think about that. She loves me. She loves him. So she has to choose based on who showed up first, who she “picks?” She has to choose who based on how she feels now about a new partner, versus the one she has been with? And THEN she has to essentially go to her death bed only having the one experience. “NOPE, THAT’S ALL YOU GET!” society yells at us. “DONT BE GREEDY!”. I say this…
BE FUCKING GREEDY.
I want you to take every bit of life and fold it up and eat it, blend it up and drink it, whatever it is. Suck up EVERY BIT of experience you can. Find your tribe. Find your true friends and family. Find those to love who share these values, and spread the message that being open, loving love, having perspective, respecting the opportunity we have doesn’t mean you have to make one choice for the rest of your life. Miserable people want to make other people miserable, they need the company. Let THEM live out their one miserable life with their regret. We are going to be out here loving and fucking and fighting and BEING.
I’m back – I will be relaunching the podcast with some changes, as well as this blog, and hopefully the Discord as well, but folks…there is a change inside of me. I’m starting to own that I’m a nerd and an intellectual on the NSFW side of things, and I’m starting to own my sexuality and adult interests on the more “white bread” side of things. I’m starting to blend these worlds together. And I WANT to, because I shouldn’t HAVE to live them separately before. I had to for work but…now? I can just be…ME! So you’re going to see even more honesty from me, more deep thoughts, more of both worlds, more fun and neat and not always sexual, more discussions about the things that some of us avoid or make us uncomfortable or the truths that maybe we have become too used to denying.
…And a LOT more fucking too